Life of A Freaking Fantastic Fangirl

I'm seriously done with SM. Lol. Some days I'm ok with it but most of the time, I'm just done with it. It's tiring. Being the stuck up snob I am, I don't talk to people and sometimes I can go through an entire day without talking to anyone. I'm looking forward to a mini getaway to Batam next month before the big one; Seoul in June! Excited is an understatement. Planning the itinerary is tiring because there's so many things to do and having to plan when and where and how is boring. I just wanna go there already. Will be gone for almost 2 weeks from work which is totally fun. I need a break man, like seriously. --- I think time... Time doesn't really heal but it makes it just a bit better and let's you forget. You have to heal yourself. I don't know how long it'll take me to really let go of you. It might be never and that's a scary thing. To think that someone can be so permanent in your life. Even if we never see each other for y...

I think I'm believing in the saying that everything happens for a reason. Even if I can't figure it out at that time and I'm not willing to accept it, everything happens for a reason. I've been wondering why you happened. Why did you come into my life when fate had other plans for us. After too long of back and forths and pondering, I finally think I know why. Maybe. I wanted you for so long. So freaking long. You hit me like a truck and awakened feelings I didn't know I had. Well, now I wish I didn't have. See, the first day I met you, I felt a... Connection? Spark? Idk. I just felt something different about our encounter. I've honestly never felt that way before but I hope I get to experience it again. That day was my birthday and I think that was God's gift to me. Then I became a stalker. HAHAHA. I really was but it was just for fun cause I knew we'd never be friends. But looking back, all those random glances... Maybe you felt that spark ...

I swear times passes by too fast when you're not paying attention. Now that I'm in SM, it seems to pass by faster somehow. Oh, how is SM. I can't say I enjoy it but I can't say I hate it too. It's... OK. The morning shifts are tiring af and I have to fight the inevitable sleepiness which is like night shift sleepiness except you don't get to go home at 8am. Double mornings are worse. I'm like a zombie I swear. Even people can see that I'm tired lolz. Working with Alpha is great actually. I used to scoff when people said Alpha was better but after working with them, they're kinda chill and they give you tangos and you don't have to clear motors at the field counter. I feel touched when the team people know that I'm new to SM when my own team doesn't even know I'm in the same team as them /single tear rolls down my cheek Still haven't really clicked with the SM people. Well, I'm awkward so I guess maybe I'll be friends...

It was just the two of them talking in the counter, like old times. The banter was light and playful and there was a good vibe in the air. She remembered smiling and thinking "Wow, this is great" because the two of them never got to spend time together in real life. Then it was time to leave and somehow they hugged and the other said "I still love you." "I love you more," she replied instantly. That was true. She would always love the other more and the other knew it. Then they parted and it all felt like a dream. Oh well it was. Even if it was just a dream, I think I needed to hear those few words. It felt real. How I wish it was real. You know what's the worst thing, you could've almost been mine. Or you were at one point in time.

I’m not quite over you, you know. Oh sure, I’m over chasing you. I’m over trying to convince you to give me a chance, and I’m over the idea that we’re ever going to be together. That much is for sure. But I still think of you every day, still see you in everything I do. I can’t help but compare every little part of you to the parts of people around me, and wonder how long it will take me to find someone who fits me as well as you do, who I love as much as I loved you. And if tomorrow you came running back to me with an apology on your lips and your heart in your hands, I would take it without a second thought, without a moments hesitation. No, I’m not over you.  At this point, I’m not sure if I ever will be.  I'd still do anything for you.

When it didn't even start. How much it pains me to almost get something that I've wanted so badly but never being truly mine. The heart really does want what it wants.