Everything happens for a reason.
I think I'm believing in the saying that everything happens for a reason. Even if I can't figure it out at that time and I'm not willing to accept it, everything happens for a reason.
I've been wondering why you happened. Why did you come into my life when fate had other plans for us. After too long of back and forths and pondering, I finally think I know why.
Maybe.
I wanted you for so long. So freaking long. You hit me like a truck and awakened feelings I didn't know I had. Well, now I wish I didn't have. See, the first day I met you, I felt a... Connection? Spark? Idk. I just felt something different about our encounter. I've honestly never felt that way before but I hope I get to experience it again. That day was my birthday and I think that was God's gift to me.
Then I became a stalker. HAHAHA. I really was but it was just for fun cause I knew we'd never be friends. But looking back, all those random glances... Maybe you felt that spark too. Or it's all just in my head. But we slowly got to talk and those encounters were painfully few and rare but moments will always treasure. I think that's why I wanted you more; once you get a taste, you start craving for it.
Our small, random encounters made us become just a bit closer and it wasn't weird when I knew where you were doing at work. Then one day, you started stalking me too. I didn't think much of it then but now it made sense. See, I knew the connection was mutual.
May 2014 came and that fateful night shift. Fast forward to 1st June, when I plucked up the courage to send you that random text message. Who knew that a random question could spark something so wonderful and beyond my wildest dreams.
Four months of daily texting later and on 1st September 2014, you told me you loved me. The me back then didn't know what love was so I couldn't say I love you back. But somewhere along the way, I knew I loved you too.
It wasn't all rainbows because then the dark side of me came out. The jealousy, the whining, the constant need for attention. I started craving real life contact. Online just didn't cut it. Then our relationship deteriorated until what it is now; me clinging on by a thread while you don't want to say that you're sick of me.
I'm sick of me. I could bang my head at the countless of times I burst out childishly.
I used to wish that I could rewind time back to secondary school. Then I wished I could go back to my poly EPM days. After that it was to that day I met you. Now, it's to the start of June when everything was new and wonderful. I wish I could redo every day and tell myself not to mess up; get jealous and whiny and clingy.
But alas, time waits for no one nor does it rewind for anyone so it's all wishful thinking. I've learned why you were brought into my life even when I wasn't quite sure where you fit in and neither were you. You were brought to teach me that I can love and when I do, I love too much. You taught me more about myself.
Now I know who I am and who I'm not. I'm petty. I'm selfish. I get jealous too easily. I'm immature. I'm whiny. I'm clingy. I overthink.
I think I will always adore you and I will do anything for you.
We were fated to meet but not fated to be and that's a bummer. I guess fate has other plans for you and I wish you all the happiness and goodness in this world because you deserve it. Even if it'll kill me to see you with someone else but I know, I'm wrong and you're not for me.
I guess I just gotta keep working on myself before I even think of settling down. I'm still a work in progress but thank you for some of the best months of my life.
You will always be my favourite part of 2014.
I've been wondering why you happened. Why did you come into my life when fate had other plans for us. After too long of back and forths and pondering, I finally think I know why.
Maybe.
I wanted you for so long. So freaking long. You hit me like a truck and awakened feelings I didn't know I had. Well, now I wish I didn't have. See, the first day I met you, I felt a... Connection? Spark? Idk. I just felt something different about our encounter. I've honestly never felt that way before but I hope I get to experience it again. That day was my birthday and I think that was God's gift to me.
Then I became a stalker. HAHAHA. I really was but it was just for fun cause I knew we'd never be friends. But looking back, all those random glances... Maybe you felt that spark too. Or it's all just in my head. But we slowly got to talk and those encounters were painfully few and rare but moments will always treasure. I think that's why I wanted you more; once you get a taste, you start craving for it.
Our small, random encounters made us become just a bit closer and it wasn't weird when I knew where you were doing at work. Then one day, you started stalking me too. I didn't think much of it then but now it made sense. See, I knew the connection was mutual.
May 2014 came and that fateful night shift. Fast forward to 1st June, when I plucked up the courage to send you that random text message. Who knew that a random question could spark something so wonderful and beyond my wildest dreams.
Four months of daily texting later and on 1st September 2014, you told me you loved me. The me back then didn't know what love was so I couldn't say I love you back. But somewhere along the way, I knew I loved you too.
It wasn't all rainbows because then the dark side of me came out. The jealousy, the whining, the constant need for attention. I started craving real life contact. Online just didn't cut it. Then our relationship deteriorated until what it is now; me clinging on by a thread while you don't want to say that you're sick of me.
I'm sick of me. I could bang my head at the countless of times I burst out childishly.
I used to wish that I could rewind time back to secondary school. Then I wished I could go back to my poly EPM days. After that it was to that day I met you. Now, it's to the start of June when everything was new and wonderful. I wish I could redo every day and tell myself not to mess up; get jealous and whiny and clingy.
But alas, time waits for no one nor does it rewind for anyone so it's all wishful thinking. I've learned why you were brought into my life even when I wasn't quite sure where you fit in and neither were you. You were brought to teach me that I can love and when I do, I love too much. You taught me more about myself.
Now I know who I am and who I'm not. I'm petty. I'm selfish. I get jealous too easily. I'm immature. I'm whiny. I'm clingy. I overthink.
I think I will always adore you and I will do anything for you.
We were fated to meet but not fated to be and that's a bummer. I guess fate has other plans for you and I wish you all the happiness and goodness in this world because you deserve it. Even if it'll kill me to see you with someone else but I know, I'm wrong and you're not for me.
I guess I just gotta keep working on myself before I even think of settling down. I'm still a work in progress but thank you for some of the best months of my life.
You will always be my favourite part of 2014.
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