Life of A Freaking Fantastic Fangirl

Somehow I'm popular with guys these past few months. Hahaha not trying to brag or anything but it gets kinda annoying and is actually quite a burden when I don't actually like them back. Well, I know I should probably try to get to know them before passing judgement but I really can't seem to get myself there yet. Something is defo wrong with me. I realised I need a guy who has a sense of humour and will get my jokes and laugh at them or at least roll their eyes. Will I be single forever... We shall see. But I know my heart is stuck. Haiz.

Ok so it was just two shifts but seriously, the odds of me doing with them is so rare, you'd have a higher chance winning a million dollars. With Izzy Wizzy 2nd night shift at bikes 2 with Izzytan and it was a Sunday morning which meant traffic wasn't crazy so we could take our time to reset lanes and talk cock. Hahaha !!!! Finally did bikes (or anywhere for that matter) with Tasniyyah. It didn't even register when Izzyan said I was doing with her. Lol  To more good shifts! The suite life of Bawangz MBS staycay with them. Got a suite and the moment we opened the door, we were like so jakun, running and exclaiming how big it was. Hahahaha. It was fun and we defo need more staycays like this.  Here's hoping the rest of 2016 is just as good.

2015 flew by in a flash didn't it. It felt like I had only did a 2014 rewind hahaha Hmmmm. What to say about 2015... It wasn't much but I did try new things. I think I matured (just a tiny bit) and found people that I can see myself being friends with for a long time. Went to Seoul and Tokyo; made wonderful memories. Still stuck in the same situation I was in 2014... Hahahahahaiz. Think that situation is finally gonna be gone this year. I kinda hope it'll happen sooner but I can't help but dread for the day to come. Dunno what I'm rambling about anymore. K bye.

“To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.” ― Federico García Lorca, Blood Wedding and Yerma

So I was told something today that crushed me a little and made me feel hollow inside. I can't even describe it. I'm not really sad, not angry... More helpless. I know we won't work; we can't work, but just for now, I'd like to think of you as mine and only mine. No one else's. But eventually, you'll fall for someone. You don't have a lack of suitors. But even though I tell you to go for it, deep down, I want you to say no to everyone you meet. I wonder if I'll spend the rest of my life like this; loving someone that can never be mine. Sometimes I wish that you'd go away so I can recover myself and forget you. It's hard to when we see each other almost every day. Will I be like Snape? Loving Lily his entire life even when she was with someone else. How did he get through the pain especially when she died. Does love die when the person die? I'm starting to hate how I am. Why can't I just be... normal. Someone help me.

I'm so frustrated with myself. Like why can't I get over something or not be bothered by it. I know I shouldn't be bothered by it and it frustrates the heck out of me when I am. Like geez. Is there an off switch for feelings? I just wanna be a robot like Sheldon Cooper. A part of me wishes you'd go so I don't have to go through the pain of seeing you every day and not being able to talk to you or spend time with you. I knew I'd be like this when I told myself I wouldn't. Dammit. I don't know. I'm really tired of feeling shitty, I just want to be... I'm not too sure. Normal. I watched a movie yesterday and it gave me all the feels because that could be me, 20 years down the road, always holding a flame for someone who can never be mine. I'll probably die a sad old woman surrounded by... I don't even like cats that much.'