Life of A Freaking Fantastic Fangirl

I’m awful about your name. I still jump when I hear it. I still feel it rattling somewhere in my stomach. I think I’m jealous of anyone that gets to say it because it’s not my right anymore. Years from now I’ll be standing in a supermarket and someone will casually brush past me, your name falling from their mouth like confetti. I’ll drop everything that I’m holding. My knees will wobble in the way they only did when I was with you. Years from now I’ll still remember how your name tasted in my mouth and I’ll have to start missing you all over again. - Azra T. Why isn't your name something common. Why does it have to be so unique. It's annoying.

The Greek word for "return" is nostos. Algos means "suffering." So nostalgia is the suffering caused by an unappeased yearning to return. ― Milan Kundera, Ignorance

I'm not bitter about how things ended. I'm bitter that I was the only one fighting to save things when it should have ended way earlier. I'm so stupid for still clinging on. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I think I'm fine but the memories... I wish I could delete the memories. It all comes rushing back and I feel this hollow feeling in my chest and it gets a little bit hard to breathe. I'm gonna be fine. I have to be. The thing I call bullshit on is you said change is the only constant but how come you're the only one who doesn't change?

It's the first day of 2015. I've always wanted to do a review but of course, I'm a lazy ass so let's just see where this goes. My mind wanders a lot. Hahaha So 2014 was an extremely important year in my life. 2014 was the year I finally got what I wanted so badly and it was wonderful and amazing and made me feel alive.I discovered I actually had feelings! Gasp. I guess since all these feelings were new to me, I didn't know how to handle them. I acted immaturely; letting my heart rule over my head. So embarrassed about my behaviour. I was needy, whiny, clingy and looking back, I guess it was because I didn't want to accept that things were never gonna be how it was. I realise I cannot force things to be how I want them to be. I can't force people to feel the way I feel about them. Which leads me to this. 2014 was the year someone 'fell' in love with me. I didn't know what love meant, I'm still unsure now, so I couldn't say I love...

I've messed up haven't I? Screwed things up real bad. I wish the past few days never happened. I'm really not cut out for emotions because I don't know how to control them. Can we rewind time. Please.

Why can't we just delete all the emotions we don't want. Why can't we erase all the memories. Why can't we rewind time. Why can't I forget. I really wish I never knew you. :(

We've made it to the last month of the year. Like WOW, wtf have I done for the past 11 months. 2014 flew by wayyyy too fast. Aside from work, I went on overseas trips namely KL, Krabi, Bangkok and back to KL again next week lol. PCL today cause I'm going to go watch tennis. So excited. My first 'live' tennis match and idk what to expect actually. Especially since I'm going alone. Watch me stumble my way around. Hahaha Oh yeah, Bangkok was pretty awesome. Shopping there is way good but the walking around part was so draining especially in the heat. We decided to get a hotel that's closer to the shopping area cause our hotel was so out of the way, we were drained by just walking lol. Tuk-tuks are so awesome but scary af because what are traffic rules in Bangkok. Watched Mockingjay with the sissies last night after eating at 18 Chefs. Gonna have to do a year end review. I've been reevaluating my life and came to the sad conclusion that I'm not ver...