Replay

So, I was just reading back all of my past entries. Brings back too much memories. I laughed at some of the things I wrote. Tried to remember and relieve back some of the things that happened. I really miss YISS and all of my friends every time I read it.

I should seriously stop reading my past entries. -.- I think everyone has moved on except me.

It'll take a few years. This has only been a year since I left YISS, so the memories and experiences are still raw in my mind. During this time, when I see status updates of people taking O Levels and graduating, I wanna tell them to stop and just savour every last moment they have while they are still students. While the feeling of being a part of that community still exists.

Because once you graduate and go back to the school, the feeling just isn't the same anymore. It just feels like you're a visitor to the school. Like, that building isn't your second home anymore. That the halls that you walked on, the classrooms that you sat in and the things that you touched for the past 4/5 years feel foreign.

Well, I guess I feel this way since I look back at my 4 years in YISS fondly. I enjoyed every single moment, good or bad, that happened in those years that have shaped me.

I keep repeating this but seriously, if I could go back in time and redo the whole entire four years, I would say yes in a heartbeat.

It's not that I don't like poly life, it's just that, I don't feel like I fit in with my friends yet. Like, I don't really feel comfortable yet with them. I keep thinking of things to say and I don't feel myself when I'm around them. I only feel real and me when I'm with my beloved Rubies. I don't know, I just have to give it some time. I've only been in poly for less than 5 months. Hopefully, I'll feel me again next semester.

Random, wordy essay. Just need to pour my thoughts out. Read somewhere that Virgos are better at expressing their feelings through blogging/writing. It makes me feel better when I see my train of thought in words.

The past is strapped to our backs. We do not have to see it; we can always feel it. ~Mignon McLaughlin,The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

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